A lot of parents ask me how do I get to my child to do this? Or this? Or that? And I get it. We spend our days rushing from one place to another – from the bedroom to the bathroom, from the house to school, from school to the playground, then back home so we can bathe, eat, sleep and start the cycle all over again.

This would be so much easier if our kids just listened and obeyed!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

When children feel better, they do better.

Seems simple enough, right? When our children feel more connected to us, they’re more likely to cooperate and do what we ask them to.

But they don’t feel better when we tell them to feel better.

Let’s say your child was playing with a toy at the playground when the owner comes to get back. This may result in tears.

What do we normally say? “The toy wasn’t yours. Look, you have all these toys over here.”

But what do you think your child is feeling at that moment? Put yourself in his shoes. You’re happily entertained, when someone comes, makes you stop what you’re doing and gets what you were using. I don’t know about you, but I would feel quite frustrated. Offering me something else probably won’t make me feel better right away.

So what’s a parent to do?

Children feel better when they feel heard and accepted.

Throughout the month, I’ll be sharing concrete tools you can use to help validate the emotions of your children. Today, I’ll tell you the simplest and probably the hardest one.

Listen.

Or what I like to call “bite your tongue until it’s almost bleeding”.

A lot of times when kids tells us their feelings or their problems, we always try to solve it for them. Before you swoop in to solve your kids’ problem, I’d like you to stop and listen.

Look at your child. What is he saying? Remember to take note of what he’s saying with his body language as well!

Don’t listen to respond. Listen to understand.

One more thing before I sign off…

Guess what? We also feel better when we feel heard and accepted.

How often do you listen to how you’re feeling? Do you notice how your body reacts when you feel happy or frustrated or nervous? Or do you just charge forward because you don’t have time? You’d be surprised at the difference you’d feel towards yourself when you simply notice that at this moment you’re feeling stressed.

This week take the time to observe feelings – yours and your children.

You don’t have to say it aloud. Just go about your day and when you notice a feeling, name it.

Interested in learning more about how to validate your children’s feelings? Sign up for my mailing list to be notified when the next “How to Talk to Kids” workshop opens.