For the last post on conflict, I’m going to focus on what to do when the conflict is between two children. This normally comes in the form of hitting, pushing and throwing.

You know your child best. If you see that he’s getting upset, then go to him before any aggressive behavior happens and help him regulate his emotions.

However, this isn’t always possible. Or maybe your child was the receiver of the aggressive behavior.

What should you do instead?

First of all, immediately focus on the hurt child, whether or not he’s your child, and comfort him.

If your kid was the one who hit, try to make physical connection by putting him in your arms or simply touching his shoulder. Then, validate his feelings and try to figure out what happened. Children don’t hit out of the blue. There’s always an underlying issue. Maybe the other child tried to grab the toy he was playing with or stepped on his sandcastle. Once your child feels heard, ask him what he can do to make the other child feel better. Point out how his actions have affected the other child.

Meanwhile, if your child was the one who was hit, also try to figure out what happened.

Once you know what the problem is, find ways to resolve the conflict peacefully. Depending on the situation, some ideas are taking short turns, offering trades or doing something else together.

A lot of times we expect kids to do things they can’t do. If you decided to take turns and it’s time for your child to give the toy, that’s something that may be really hard for him to do. Help him by easing it from his hands gently and giving it to the other.

Another thing children have a really hard time doing is apologizing. If your child is unable to apologize, don’t force them to do it. Instead, with your child, be the one to apologize. Model the behavior you want to see so he can learn from it: “We’re sorry…”

While is may seem easy enough, it can be hard to put into action, especially if you feel like all the other parents at the playground are watching – and judging! – you. As a parenting coach, I help you get really clear on what your values are and what actions to take to teach your child these values, so it is easier to put your child and family values before other people’s opinions. We also practice the different strategies you can use during our sessions so you can confidently put them into action when it matters most. Send me an email to schedule a free clarity call and see how this would look in your life.