For the month of February, we’ll be taking a look at conflicts: what they are, what we can learn from them and how can we approach them with our partner, our children and between children.

 

By now, if you haven’t watched my video on problem solving or downloaded the printable with the 5 steps, then I highly recommended you do that when you’re free.

 

Conflicts… A healthy relationship is not one that doesn’t have conflicts. A healthy relationship understands that conflicts happen and is able to address them in a postive manner.

 

As John Gottman, a psychological researcher on relationships, says, it’s not how often couples fight that determine their marital success, but rather how they fight.

 

However, a lot of us don’t know how to do achieve this connection through conflict. When some people are faced with conflict, they simply keep quiet and suppress their anger. They might turn to food or social media in order to not feel and really understand what they’re going through.

 

Others might let out their feelings and do so in such a way that they harm the relationship. Afterwards they feel shame and regret for not being able to control their temper.

 

Then there are the fortunate ones who are able to resolve conflict peacefully, in a way that satisfies the needs of both parties. They also understand that there are some conflicts that may never be resolved, but are able to come up with strategies to live with them.

 

Conflicts are a chance for us to deepen our connection with ourselves and others.

 

There might be times we’re arguing about something and what we’re arguing about is not the real issue at hand. Couples might fight over the dishes being done as soon as the meal is finished, but the underlying problem is one has a need for order and the other a need to rest. Or a mother and child fight over the child wearing a coat because the mother is concerned about his health, while the child has a need for autonomy.

 

Once we realize the need of each party, it becomes easier to resolve the conflict. I’ll be going into this more the next few weeks.

 

This week, pay attention to the conflicts you have in your life. What are they really about? How do you tend to manage them?

 

As a parenting coach, I give you perspective on what’s going on in your life so that you can better understand your ongoing conflicts and what’s really going on behind them. Together we then look at strategies you can use to address them in a way that lead to greater love and understanding for the other party. Want to see how this would look like in your life? Send me an email to set up a call.